Friday, April 13, 2012

Impact Wrestling Review 04/12/12

It is that time of the week, to review the glory that is TNA Impact Wrestling on Spike TV, airing at 9:00 PM Eastern Time each and every Tuesday. This is the go home show before TNA Lockdown and we are going to feature the wedding between ODB and Eric Young inside a steel cage. Wacky indeed and all of the events leading up to the show.

TNA Impact Wrestling April 12th 2012 Review

We kick things off with Eric Bischoff, talking about how he is going to be around a lot longer than most of the people out there. The thought of an immortal Eric Bischoff, that will be here after Armageddon with the cockroaches and Mason Ryan's hair is horrifying. He introduces his team of Bully Ray, Gunner, Kazarian, and Daniels. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not like the other, can you guess which one of these things is devoid of talent? Garrett Bischoff is out and Mr. Anderson will be on his team. We have a Best of Three Series for the Man Advantage.

Gunner defeated Mr. Anderson via disqualification

Remember when last summer, Gunner defeated Mr. Anderson when he was the TNA World Champion? Yeah, I wasn't really going anywhere with that bit, but I was just asking if anyone remembered that. Mr. Anderson beats on Gunner and gets disqualified for not breaking. Yeah that finish. Already this night is off to a rocking start. More Impact Wrestling tonight, stay tuned. 

We have Eric Young meet with Joseph Park had a meeting and it was rather epic. If you don't get Joseph Park, you don't get wrestling. Young points out that Abyss was in Immortal so perhaps that should be his next stop. I'm not sure if there is an Immortal, it changes from week to week and if it is, it is just Gunner and Bully Ray, just like when the NWO was just Horace Hogan and Vincent for like about two weeks in WCW in the summer of 1999.

The glory of the Motor City Machine Guns returns, cutting a great promo. Their sights are obviously set on the TNA Tag Team Titles held by Samoa Joe and Magnus and what better time than Lockdown. Here comes Joe and Magnus, who say that the Guns are good but they are the team to beat. Then out comes Mexican America to promptly ruin what was a good thing. But they get taken out. So I guess three way at Lockdown it seems between these teams.

Austin Aries is announced as the next member of Team Garrett. This I approve of.

Austin Aries picked up the win over Christopher Daniels

Pretty good encounter, good match for what it was but will it be something that I'll remember in a month? I don't think so. But that's beside the point. As I wonder what these two men could do with fifteen minutes on Pay Per View, Aries connects with the Brain Buster for the pin and it is tied 1-1 with a tie breaker evident later.

Jeff Hardy is cutting a promo about Kurt Angle and their match at Lockdown. It will end this Sunday inside the Cage. It should be a good match. On a slightly related note, I'm honestly shocked that people actually believed Kurt Angle's delusions that he was going to the Olympics in the first place. It's Kurt Angle people, buy a clue.

James Storm cuts a promo, he is hyped for his match with Bobby Roode for the TNA Championship. I almost thing TNA is going to do something cute because it seems obvious that Storm is going to win. Sometimes the obvious thing is the best thing for business. Some people in wrestling will do well to remember that.

Rosita and Sarita try and get them some of Eric Young, most likely to try and get them some of the Knockout's Tag Team Titles but Young is strong and a man of virtue, by gawd.

It is time for the main event in all of our hearts, the wedding of ODB and Eric Young. ODB will not being taking Young's last name. Sadly ODB is not wearing a tuxedo and Eric Young is not wearing a wedding dress, so this segment is not as wacky as it could be. Here come Rosita and Sarita, stripping to their lingerie. ODB feigns sadness, but then strips. And then Eric Young strips. Both wearing camouflage under garments. Then they are married. Even in a wedding, a steel cage cannot do its intended purpose to keep interference out. ** 1/4. Yes I just gave a star rating to a wrestling wedding. Which is strange, as I hate star ratings. 

Ric Flair hypes up Bully Ray as only Ric Flair can. Wooo!

Bobby Roode says that he is ready for Lockedown.

AJ Styles is announced as the next man of Team Garrett to take on Bully Ray.

Bully Ray defeated AJ Styles

These two men had an awesome match at Slammiversary 2011 and they had a pretty good television match, the final bout in the best of three series, with  Bully Ray using his chain to great effect to score the win, taking Styles out in mid air. Team (Eric) Bischoff has the man advantage.

Hulk Hogan is out to throw one final spanner in the works, that at Lethal Lockedown, it won't be four on four, it will be five on five. Eric Bischoff steps in over Ric Flair, saying that he knows it is going to be Hulk Hogan. That really says something about Hulk Hogan, when Eric Bischoff's character is written as not fearing him. The fifth man is not Hulk Hogan. It's Bob Van Dam! RVD comes out, and Eric Bischoff is not too happy.

Bobby Roode and James Storm will be meeting for the TNA World Championship at Lockdown, getting a sweet video package.

Velvet Sky and Mickie James defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne

TNA is getting about as bad as WWE, with the repetitive nature of their matches, with these same four women going at it constantly. And Kelly Kelly is only a slightly better wrestler than Velvet Sky, which is not praise for either. Velvet Sky pins the champion, which hopefully means she doesn't win the title. I'm not sure who they would put the belt on right now. Then again, they're likely going to put the belt on Velvet, just to annoy me. And then Kelly Kelly can regain the Diva's Title and we can have the two worst champions in any division across the two promotions. 

James Storm and Bobby Roode have a face to face. Thankfully not a contract signing,  because I would have punted my television had that happened. A good promo, with both guys going back and fact, with Storm vowing that this Sunday, he will finally catch Roode. Roode says that he'll end it, taunting James Storm about some personal stuff, regarding a dead father and dead brothers. He went too far and face to face, as we hype up this Sunday.

A pretty solid edition of Impact Wrestling this week. I enjoyed this one for the most part and Lockdown should be one that could be good if TNA can follow up on it.

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