WWE RAW March 26th 2012 Report
Daniel Bryan and Kane defeated Randy Orton and Sheamus
Wrestling booking 101 here tonight, with two teams of men who have big Pay Per View Matches coming up. A perfectly acceptable tag team opening match, with Kane striking Sheamus with a huge choke slam right from the ring apron and Daniel Bryan picking up the win. Well given WWE’s booking style, Sheamus is your new World Heavyweight Champion this Sunday, likely crushing Bryan like an insect.
On every show, a little hail must fall and here is Michael Cole, who has on a Team Johnny shirt. I regret making that Twilight joke a few weeks ago, because now it is becoming depressingly true. Vickie Guerrero is the flag barrier of the team and Michael Cole will be the official commentator for the match. That would be like if you got a substitute teacher in school that was actually your regular teacher. Booker T introduces Team Teddy and Hornswoggle is the flag bearer. We have a match between the two captains, David Otunga and Santino Marella right now.
Santino Marella defeated David Otunga
Otunga tries to use the flag, to disastrous results. This allows Santino to give him the Cobra and pick up the win.
Santino Marella is about to introduced John Laurinaitis to his little friend but the Miz comes out and Skull Crushing Finale on Santino Marella puts him out. Miz is welcomed to Team Teddy er Team Johnny. There’s one for the Botchamania. Still holding out hope that William Regal gets together a crew of NXT guys and beats up both teams and stages a coup, taking full control for himself, but not likely at this point.
Diva’s tag team match is hyped up.
Kelly Kelly defeated Eve Torres
Kelly Kelly goes at it alone against Eve Torres, with Beth Phoenix at ringside. This was a diva’s match. This wasn’t as bad as many. But it was still not good. Eve goes for a moonsault but Kelly avoids it and then roll up gets the pin. Kelly Kelly steals one.
Chris Jericho has some more dirt on CM Punk. His parents were married after he was born, which makes him a bastard. I’m gloriously underwhelmed by this revelation. Besides, Big Boss Man was far more entertaining with his, “Big Show you’re a big nasty bastard and your mama said so” revelation. Christian jumps CM Punk from behind, but we got a match.
CM Punk battled Christian to a no contest
CM Punk really just decides to beat the ever living hell out of Christian, brutalizing him. Go to Sleep right on the steps and Christian is placed in the Anaconda Vice.
Brodus Clay defeated Curt Hawkins
T-Bone Suplex, splash, Funk is still on a roll. Another win for Brodus Clay, who remains undefeated as the Funksaurus.
The Big Show defeated Primo
Christian is out of the match due the savage beating at the hands of Punk and Big Show puts out Primo with a choke slam. One half of the WWE Tag Team Champions I should note.
Meanwhile we have the Bellas bicker like Twilight fan girls over the match. Meanwhile Eve invites Zack Ryder to stay in her room during Wrestlemania weekend.
CM Punk has words, saying that he’s not a bastard, he’s the best in the world.
Drew McIntyre is on Team Johnny to replace Christian. That’s acceptable.
Mark Henry defeated the Great Khali
World’s Strongest Slam puts down the Great Khali for the pin.
After the match, Booker T runs out and saves Teddy Long from Mark Henry. Booker T is the Final member of Team Teddy.
Time for our final hard shill for John Cena against the Rock. Well if you hadn’t been convinced a year, I don’t see how this one promo would have convinced you that much more. The Rock talks about his return, John Cena is out, he knows the score, he knows what is going to happen. He promises to win at Wrestlemania, regardless of what people thinks. The Rock says that he wants to do what no man has done before, beat Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and John Cena all at Wrestlemania. You’d got to admit, that would be something. Rock doesn’t like Cena but Cena says that it doesn’t matter what the Rock thinks. Cena promises to be the guy to stand over the Rock and whip his ass.
Fade to black. Er that’s it. Show’s over folks.
Well Rock was entertaining, Cena held his own, but we’ll know in the end, if it mattered if this match was hyped a year out or not. From both a fan interest standpoint, if the match delivers on its hype, and from the point of a business, if this does far greater than your average Wrestlemania or in fact, it doesn’t matter.
WWE RAW Results 3/26/12
Kane and Daniel Bryan defeated Sheamus and Randy Orton
Santino Marella defeated David Otunga.
Kelly Kelly defeated Eve Torres
CM Punk and Christian battled to a no contest.
Brodus Clay defeated Primo
The Big Show defeated Primo
Mark Henry defeated the Great Khali
No comments:
Post a Comment