Tuesday, April 24, 2012

WWE RAW Review 04/23/12

It is now time to sit down and review WWE RAW for April 23rd 2012. Three hours long, and given some of the low quality of the three hour RAWs, we're going to be in for the ride. And what the ride it is going to be, with the contract signing between Brock Lesnar and John Cena taking place on RAW from Detroit. Enough for idle chatter, let's head to WWE RAW 4/23/12.

WWE RAW Review April 23rd 2012

We open things up right off of the bat with the contract signing between Brock Lesnar and John Cena. In theory at least, as Lesnar is not present. Not very punctual, are we, Mr. Lesnar? However, the man who has a contract that was rumored to be expiring, is Edge. That is rather interesting on many levels and Edge has some words to say.

Edge is out and he talks about the past wars he had with Cena. Some great matches, but naturally if you followed WWE you should know that. Edge isn't sure that Cena has the killer instinct to beat Brock Lesnar and he reminds Cena that Brock is in it for the money and he'll destroy Cena. It will be a slap in the face for those like Cena and Edge who built this company over the past eight years. Edge having said his piece leaves and WWE RAW kicks off to a huge note, with underscoring the importance of John Cena and Brock Lesnar this Sunday at Extreme Rules.

Chris Jericho defeated Kofi Kingston

Kofi Kingston versus Chris Jericho kick it into high gear on RAW and the result is a great match between these two men. This one got a bit of time, with Kofi Kingston keeping Jericho on the ropes. All it takes is one Code Breaker and Jericho picks up the win during this three hour RAW Super show.

After the fact, Jericho cuts a promo, talking about what he's done to CM Punk and how this Sunday, in the Chicago Streetfight, we will have a new WWE Champion. There will be much embarrassment and woe for Punk as he loses to Jericho. Good set up for Extreme Rules match between Punk and Jericho.

A look at the past dominance of Brock Lesnar. Hey, Jeff Hardy. Remember him? Unless you are one of the million people who tune into Spike TV on Thursday Nights, he has fallen off of the face of the earth.

Eve Torres is backstage, working her magic on John Laurinaitis getting the role of an executive administrator. And she offers a handshake. Oh, tough luck, Johnny Boy. 

Chris Jericho has sent CM Punk a gift basket containing booze, in an attempt to get further get inside his head. Punk promises that he's going to give Jericho the gift of a beating this Sunday. Well isn't that nice? Punk hangs onto the Jack Daniels, potentially to introduce to Jericho's skull.

Lord Tensai defeated R-Truth

Can Little Jimmy inspire R-Truth to victory? Tensai has Sakamoto in his corner as always. They are really getting on the Tensai Train but I just think that it will be all of the other failed A-Train pushes by the end of the road, he'll be on the B Show by the end of the night. Which is a shame but that's just how it goes. Baldo Bomb to the mist to the slam for the win. Served its purpose as the push of Lord Tensai continues on RAW Super Show.  

Kane is out to talk about his recent decimation of the Ortons and how he left them laying. Here's Randy, and look who he has, Paul Bearer is tied up in a wheel chair. Then Orton puts Paul Bearer in the freezer. Orton is trying to lure Kane backstage, but Kane seems unsympathetic about the plight of his father. Orton comes to the ring and goes to town with a pipe. Marked out for seeing Paul Bearer back but the rest of the segment was pure meh. 

Here is Alex Riley to stooge off CM Punk to Chris Jericho who may be drinking. I'm sensing a swerve of some sort. Eleven months ago, Alex Riley was somewhere and now he's just a random backstage stool pigeon.

The Big Show and the Great Khali defeated Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes

Yeah this one was right there. Alberto Del Rio quickly bails, allowing the world's tallest tag team to score the pin. Khali Chop sends Rhodes right into the Choke Slam.
It will be Santino Marella against the Miz at Extreme Rules on the YouTube pre-show which might as well be the 2012 version of the Free For All. Miz jobs to the Cobra. That's my prediction.

Jericho is in the backstage area, telling John Laurinaitis that Punk has been drinking. As it turns out, there is a strict policy that the WWE Champion is not to be drinking twelve hours before the live event. A policy that was obviously implemented after the hey day of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Teddy Long tries to defend Punk and gets tasked with a field sobriety test. 

Here's Brock Lesnar arriving to RAW. Josh Mathews tries to get a few words with Lesnar but gets the worst of the exchange.

Nikki Bella defeated Beth Phoenix to become the new Diva's Champion

Seriously, bro? This one is made a Lumberjill Match because, hey why not? And Nikki Bella wins the title because....damned if I know. Roll up on Beth Phoenix gets the pin and the title. Well it's the belt that looks like a butterfly, it's pretty much useless.  

It is time for the Field Sobriety test. In the year 2012, I would like to think that  there would be a more sophisticated way of testing someone who is drunk than saying the alphabet backwards. I can't say it backwards when sober because my brain doesn't work that way. Half of the people wouldn't be able to say if backwards when sober. There are few that would not be able to say the alphabet forwards while sober but that's another thing entirely.

It appears that Punk is drunk, but then he was just playing some mind games with Jericho, passes all of the test, and introduces the WWE Championship Belt right into the face of Chris Jericho. Given WWE's nature of parity booking, that would mean Jericho may in fact win the belt this Sunday but who knows.

Johnny and Eve are backstage, not too pleased with the events that occurred.

More footage of Brock Lesnar, this time destroying Hulk Hogan being featured. You know, if you were a conspiracy theorist, you would think that WWE would be sending a message but that would require them to actual care about the existence of TNA and actually think that they may potentially be a threat.

Mark Henry defeated Sheamus

Daniel Bryan is the special guest referee for this match, so there will be some screwiness that will happen. Henry takes down Sheamus and Daniel Bryan fast counts him. Sheamus goes to attack both men, getting Mark Henry but Daniel Bryan takes him out. YES! Lock is applied. YES, YES, YES! Daniel Bryan is punishing Sheamus with that great move. Which sadly means he is not winning the title back even if he should.

Matt Striker, fresh off of his recent kidnapping, gets some words from Sheamus, who calls Daniel Bryan a coward.

Santino Marella and Zack Ryder defeated the WWE Tag Team Champions Epico and Primo in a non title match. 

The tag team champions, bless their hearts, lose to the duo of Zack Ryder and Santino Marella. I wonder what happened to Brodus. Actually the MegaDorks as a tag team works rather well too. Cobra puts down Primo for the pin.

Abraham Washington offers his services as a manager to Epico and Primo. Yeah that will boost them straight to the top.

Hornswoggle and Brodus Clay defeated Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger via disqualification

No, Brodus, run, Hornswoggle will kill your career. Some people call Sheamus the Irish Curse, but Hornswoggle is the real Irish Curse. Want some evidence.

-Finlay was one of the roughest most tumble men in wrestling, but after he was saddled with Hornswoggle, he was never quite the same again
-Jamie Noble was one of the most decorated Cruiserweight competitors in WWE history. Hornswoggle beat him. He had to retire a couple of years later.
-Chavo Guerrero was a member of the legendary Guerrero family. Once saddled in a feud with Hornswoggle, he became an utter joke and farce.
-Hornswoggle joined DeGeneration X. Five months later, Shawn Michaels was retired. Coincidence? I think not.
-Hornswoggle was briefly aligned with Christian on Smackdown in a feud with Dolph Ziggler and Chavo Guerrero. Christian has suffered countless injuries and had two ill fated World Heavyweight Title reigns since
-For a brief time, Hornswoggle was aligned with the Big Show. The Big Show had the shortest World Heavyweight Title reign in history.
-Hornswoggle was a pro on NXT Season 5: Redemption. The season never has ended.

So that leprechaun is nothing but trouble. Save yourself Brodus, while you still can! Match was nothing special.  Disqualification when Vickie gets involved and then Hornswoggle bites Vickie right in the butt. Well she'll have to get a shot.

Footage of Brock Lesnar destroying Kurt Angle. Okay, perhaps WWE is sending a message.

Contract signing time for your main event on WWE RAW. I've made my feelings on these very clear, they are a waste of time, even if this is kind of a big match. Yet one thing th at I did like is Cena hesitated, he showed doubt, he showed humanity, which made him the most human that he's been in years, for a brief second.The contract is sign but no contact, thankfully.

So as with all three hour RAWs, a very mixed bag. This one is better than most but they are still death.

Past RAW Recaps

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