Wednesday, March 14, 2012

WWE RAW Report 3/12/12

It is now time for your WWE RAW Report for March 12th 2012. On this night we have John Cena rapping and The Rock…rocking, I guess. Also there are some wrestling matches, and the road to Wrestlemania is fast approaching just under three weeks away. Time to report on all of the highlights for WWE RAW 3/12/12

WWE RAW Report 3/12/12

Hey everyone, it’s John Cena, as the Doctor of Thuganomics. Oh boy. I’m sure a lot of fan boys had to change their pants over this one. Much like the Attitude Era, the Doctor of Thuganomics had his moments in his day, but was not as good as you remembered and his time has since passed. Cena raps, much like an eight year old who has discovered naughty language and tries to be edgy. Although I did chuckle at bringing the Rock’s operation for his “bitch tits” that he had back in 1999 when he was wearing the shirt. Something something something about nuts, and it will be John Cena against the Rock at Wrestlemania 28. It’s better than all of those long John Cena promos where he whines and complains about the Rock daring to leave WWE and make a better name for himself.

Sheamus defeated Dolph Ziggler

Good match but was the winner ever in doubt? Dolph Ziggler shows off a lot, but the win is academic, with Sheamus finishing off Ziggler with the Brogue Kick. Good stuff from both men, although Ziggler can’t seem to get a win to save his life. Hopefully his time will come after Wrestlemania. Daniel Bryan and AJ were in the sky box during this match.

The GM vs. GM twelve man tag is announced on television aka an excuse to get about twelve men on Wrestlemania. Recap of Smackdown.

Mark Henry and David Otunga defeated Santino Marella

Santino’s partner was intended to be Aksana, but let’s face it, she’s saying out of this one. David Otunga will be the team captain for Team Laurinaitis, Mark Henry will be there, and Santino will be on Teddy Long’s team. Santino goes for the Cobra but it is foiled and World’s Strongest Slam gets the pin. Kofi and R-Truth try to make the save, but fail getting destroyed by Otunga and Mark Henry, so you could potentially pencil in those two on Long’s team as well.

Maria Menounos on Extra talks to the Bella Twins and Alicia Fox. Meh.

Zack Ryder talks to Eve, with Eve suggesting that they should be friends with benefits. NO ZACK, RUN THAT NEVER ENDS WELL! GET OUT, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE! Beth Phoenix shows up, suggesting a piece of Zack as well for her, but Eve is not going for that one.

The Miz offers his services to John Laurinaitis for the tag team match, but Laurinaitis makes Punk vs. Miz where if Miz wins he’s on Wrestlemania 28.

Brodus Clay defeated Jinder Mahal

The funk is back in the building on RAW. And we have Brodus Clay, who was taken off of television for a month, because he apparently couldn’t work past a thirty second match, having a thirty second match with Jinder Mahal, who is about as exciting as watching paint dry and should be in thirty second matches. Exploder and splash and Brodus gets the win. Funk is on a roll.

Here is Shawn Michaels, who will be the Special Guest Referee. And I had a problem with this segment. It was good but it still made me want to see Shawn Michaels against…well anybody, other than the Undertaker and Triple H in Hell in a Cell at Wrestlemania 28. The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels has a chat in the ring about who is more insecure and Michaels hints that he might be the one to end the streak still. Undertaker warns that he will finish off Shawn Michaels if he screws him over. And we have a tense moment. Triple H shows up and gives the Undertaker a crotch chop. So this match, will be entertaining on the night of Wrestlemania and only on the night of Wrestlemania. When that Wrestlemania buzz is over, it will just be mediocre at best. Just like I found out the one last year was between Undertaker and Triple H. Which there’s not wrong with that, because some matches are only good in the moment.

James Roday is the special guest ring announcer for the next match.

CM Punk defeated the Miz.

In a move that should be a shocker to absolutely no one, CM Punk picks up the win. As he should, he is the one who is going to be the one in a marquee match at Wrestlemania and at the rate Miz is going, he might be in the dark match Battle Royal. Anaconda Vice picks up the win for Punk.

Chris Jericho is out to run down CM Punk, calling him a phony. He says the only reason that Punk is Straight Edge, is because his father was an alcoholic. Well duh, if you saw the Raven feud in Ring of Honor, you’d know this. Granted that’s ninety eight percent of the audience, but still. Jericho promises to beat Punk so bad that he’ll turn to alcohol and like it. He will drink. That is a hell of a promise.

A vignette for David Otunga, Attorney at Law, available on Twitter.

Randy Orton defeated Jack Swagger

Yeah this was never in any doubt either. Especially when Jack Swagger gets the jobber entrance, aka already in the ring. A decent enough match but really the finish is coming a mile away. Rope DDT, RKO, Randy Orton wins. Kane plays mind games with Randy Orton but doesn’t appear.

Christian will have Teddy Long and John Laurinaitis on the Peep Show on Smackdown.

Next week, Triple H, Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels are all in the house. And Mark Henry collides with John Cena. That is kind of interesting booking, although WWE wouldn’t have thought of it, given that Mark Henry and the Rock were former team mates in the Nation of Domination. Just found that interesting.

The Rock has a concert. This was not as good as the original Rock concert, but hey it’s the Rock. The problem with having a Wrestlemania match announced a year from now is being exposed week after week though. WWE sometimes struggles sustaining interest from week to week, never mind month to month and also year to year. On the night of Wrestlemania 28, if John Cena and the Rock have a great match and odds are they will, then this lackluster build that they are having will be forgotten and forgiven. But if the match is disappointed, it will be ten times worse. This final segment went on for twenty minutes. And that be it.

Why You Should Watch WWE RAW 3/12/12

You know, the show was kind of a lackluster one this week. I’ve got nothing. Even the HBK/Taker segment was not up to its usual standard come to think of it. If you’re a fan of Brodus Clay, then you’d have the best thirty seconds of the show right there.

WWE RAW Results 3/12/12

Sheamus defeated Dolph Ziggler

Mark Henry and David Otunga defeated Santino Marella(and technically Aksana)

Brodus Clay defeated Jinder Mahal

CM Punk defeated the Miz.

Randy Orton defeated Jack Swagger

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